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COVID Bill Forces US To Disclose UFOs

The recently signed COVID-19 relief bill has a stipulation that requires the Pentagon and other U.S. intelligence agencies to publicly announce what they know about UFOs, but most legislators were unaware of its inclusion when they voted in favor.

The New York Post reports that the stipulation was included in the Intelligence Authorization Act as a “committee comment.” The bill was rolled up into the COVID-19 relief and government funding bill that was signed by President Donald Trump last week. The comment was made while the bill was before the Senate Intelligence Committee.

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), chair of the committee, ordered the director of national intelligence in consultation with the secretary of defense and “the heads of such other agencies” to “submit a report within 180 days of the date of enactment of the Act, to the congressional intelligence and armed services committees on unidentified aerial phenomena.”

The unclassified report must include “detailed analysis of unidentified phenomena data collected by: a. geospatial intelligence; b. signals intelligence; c. human intelligence; and d. measurement and signals intelligence.” The committee also directed the intelligence official to include “detailed analysis of data of the FBI, which was derived from investigations of intrusions of unidentified aerial phenomena data over restricted United States airspace … and an assessment of whether this unidentified aerial phenomena activity may be attributed to one or more foreign adversaries.”

The Pentagon has publicly confirmed that the comment is legally binding.

Man Finds Stolen ’69 Camaro After 17 Years

A man luckily stumbled upon a car that was stolen from him 17 years ago while shopping for another car.

The Free Lance Star reports that Tommy Cook’s 1969 Hugger Orange Camaro was stolen from his auto repair lot in Woodbridge, Va., in 2003. He reported the car as stolen, but police were unable to find the vehicle. Every year he renewed the car’s missing status through the mail in hopes that it would keep the case from going cold; but as time wore on, the likelihood that the Camaro would be found seemed to diminish.

But when Cook went to inspect a blue 1968 Camaro being sold by a Maryland man, he noticed a hoodless green 1969 Camaro sitting in a corner of the man’s garage. “It was kind of a hokey green they had painted it, resembled the [Rallye Green] they had on a ’69,” said Cook. “I thought to myself, maybe someone’s trying to hide a stolen car.”

Cook inspected the vehicle. The seller said it had been built in California, and Cook was aware of the fact that all first-generation Camaros had been built in either Norwood, Ohio, or Van Nuys, Calif. “I looked inside on the dash at the [Vehicle Identification Number] and it had an N code, indicating the car was built in Norwood,” said Cook. “You can’t have a Norwood [Vehicle Identification Number] if the car was made in California.”

“So now, we’ve got an orange car, we got a California car, we’ve got a car with a hinky VIN number on it,” said Cook. “I was beginning to think, this is looking a lot like my car.” He also noticed factory-installed rear seat brackets that only appeared in two percent of the 1969 Camaros—including the missing car.

Cook looked in the vehicle’s engine compartment and found the original VIN number. When he compared the number to his records at home, he found that the numbers matched. He immediately contacted police, who said they’d be able to pick up the stolen vehicle the next day, but he asked them to wait until he’d completed his purchase of the blue 1968 Camaro first.

When police arrived for the car, the seller was cooperative. He reportedly was unaware that the car was stolen. The Camaro had reportedly changed hands four times since being stolen. “Some people had put money into it,” said Cook. “It was better than it was when it was stolen, but it’s still an ugly green.”

Gingerbread Monolith Appears and Collapses

The monolith craze continues as a new monolith made entirely out of gingerbread cookies was discovered in San Francisco on Christmas day.

According to The Guardian the baked monument only stood for a day before collapsing. Unlike the large number of stainless steel monoliths discovered across the globe in the last month, this one was made from gingerbread cookies, icing, gumdrops and wood.

Phil Ginsburg, head of San Francisco’s Recreation and Parks Department, told reporters that the site “looks like a great spot to get baked” and said the monolith will not be removed “until the cookie crumbles.”

The tasty monument drew a number of onlookers throughout Christmas day, but by the next morning it had reportedly collapsed.

Squirrel Attacks NY Residents: “Blood Everywhere”

An overly aggressive squirrel has been attacking Queens residents. Attempts to catch the angry rodent have proven unsuccessful.

According to the Associated Press, residents of New York City borough’s Rego Park neighborhood have had enough of the violence and terror. Micheline Frederick said an encounter with the squirrel actually led to bloodshed. “We’re wrestling in the snow, and there’s blood everywhere and my fingers getting chewed, and it won’t let go,” Frederick said. “Eventually, it just stopped and there I was a big bloody mess.”

The squirrel has allegedly attacked at least two of Frederick’s neighbors as well. A professional trapper was hired at the recommendation of the city’s Department of Health, but efforts to catch the violent animal have so far failed.

This story is a staff report from The Paper.