Because you waited this long to buy appropriate gifts and sundry for the holidays, you’re probably quite the narcissist, too busy to care about others. Now that you’ve figured out you’re going to look bad come the big day, you are not only on fire to get all of that shopping done but you also want to wrap up a slay-’em gift for the party. Nothing like end-of-the-year celebrations to bring out the competitive side of your selfish self.

We’ve got a few hints for you, Slacker.

Lockdown got us all cozy and we’re not giving it up. For family especially, warm and soft stuff is still a thing. Fold two fluffy throws, use a third one as wrapping for the other two and tie the ends in a bow. It looks expensive but it doesn’t have to be if you hit any Big Box store. We’d tell you to knit your own and go to Hip Stitch for supplies (2320 Wisconsin St NE, 505-821-2739) but you didn’t leave enough time. Or go for a couple pairs of lame-o socks, but only if they’re Bombas, the company that donates one pair for every pair sold.

Also for family: A too-cute photo of everybody from the holidays 2021, blown up and framed by Carr Imaging (3748 Eubank Blvd NE, 505-880-8124). Barb and Pat Carr will make any image look way better than the one on your smart phone. Ask them to frame the image in duplicates for all of those nice people you forgot.

You probably pay attention to what your friends like and collect, if only to look cool. Add to their collections with action figures from Toy Shack (3107 Eubank Blvd NE #32, 505-614-8697) or Pyrex mixing bowls and other mid-century goodies from The Antique Specialty Mall. If you’ve deigned to listen while they talk about their favorite musicians, a pair of tickets from AMP Concerts (ampconcerts.org) would not go amiss. Remember the art exhibit your friend invited you to but you bailed out? Downtown’s nationally renowned 516 Arts non-collecting art museum sells memberships as well as tickets to events. Read Devin D. O’Leary’s further suggestions for tickets and memberships (“Tickets as Gifts”) at abq.news.

Treat your clients to pretty packages from Theobroma Chocolatier (12611 Montgomery Blvd NE # A-5, 505-293-6545). These local folks turn out heavenly concoctions (including satisfying sugar-free treats) and know how to present them. And they ship! Better than a bottle of Scotch.

New Mexico Agriculture Dept.’s “Taste the Tradition Holiday Lookbook 2022” is the book to look in for gifts for anyone who loves all things New Mexico.

Photographs both sumptuous and promotional clearly show hyperlocal offerings in brightly packaged food and drink. Holiday displays of home traditions, like luminaria and farolitos, chile ristras and tumbleweed snowmen, are comprehensive and cool.

Dozens of local restaurants and food producers are represented here. A partial roster of offerings includes:

  • Celina’s Biscochitos
  • Hot Flash Chile Company
  • Black Market Salsa
  • Legacy Pecan Brittle
  • Los Chileros Blue Popped Popcorn
  • Cervantes Flame Roasted Chopped Green Chile
  • Moses Brand Green Chile Honey
  • Heart of the Desert Pistachios
  • Ol’ Gringo New Mexico Salsa
  • Santa Fe Spirits Colkegan Single Malt Whiskey
  • Be Hempful CBD Gourmet Gummies

There, we’ve finished your gift list for you, even though you’re a nasty, nasty person. For a downloadable version of the Lookbook, go to https://www.elevatenmag.com/wp-content/uploads/NMDA-Holiday-Lookbook-2022.pdf.

Seriously, you will want to run around to all of these shops and make up gift baskets this year. The Dept. of Agriculture hopes you’ll make it a tradition to shop local. But you can stay at home, too, you lazy beast – just click on many of the products in the Lookbook and you’ll be sent to that website.

Presents for kids are where the big money goes. Get them what they want. Don’t bitch. You deserve to pay through the nose for your procrastination. Try the Toy Shack (above).

Your holiday party host is worthy of a useful gift for LATER. Do not hand them a bouquet of flower stems that require a vase and water, or a bottle of wine that needs a corkscrew. A lovely cookbook from Organic Books (111 Carlisle Blvd. SE, 505-553-3823), a ready-to-eat charcuterie platter from any of M’Tucci’s four locations or a box from Theobroma (above) are much better than thank-you notes.

You will never run out of gift ideas at a holiday market. There are about 30 local markets going on from now until Dec. 24. Check page _____ for a compete list. All you need to do is scan the tables and your stupid brain will make popcorn. (Popcorn is also a great last-minute gift. Grab a few bags in different flavors from The Cornivore, 3300 Menaul NE, 505-615-8396.)

Last-minute wrapping tips? The word is “sustainable.” Grab a vintage handkerchief or scarf or a pretty scrap of fabric and self-tie it around the box. Remember when your mother used to make covers for your school books out of brown-paper bags? Recycle them and we’ll call it retro.