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Ask a Drag Queen in Our Monthly Advice Column
I have had a good friend since we were in high school. We have been friends for over 20 years, and our friendship means the world to me. She recently just got engaged to her dream man, bought the cutest house and got an amazing promotion at a job she loves. Everything seems to be going well for her, and I can’t help but resent her for it. I just keep wondering why none of this is happening for me? I don’t want to despise my friend for her happiness but that is exactly what I am doing. How can I be happy for her success while reaching for my own?
Dear Begrudgingly Resentful,
This is a situation that deals with the expectations that we place upon ourselves. If our friend is successful at this point in their life, we expect to be equally successful in the same ways and get angry when we are not. We go down the rabbit hole of “Why them and not me?” and “If they can do it then I can!” My mantra is never begrudge someone else’s success. There is enough success in this world for all of us. While you may not be successful in the same areas as your friend, it is time to take stock at what is going well in your life. How are you successful, and what can you do to take steps toward achieving what you have not done yet? When you are genuinely happy for your friend and her success, and focused on your own, you will not resent your friend for her good fortune. My advice is if this friendship really does “mean the world to you,” then put on a smile, congratulate your friend on all of her recent success, and don’t be a b*tch. Then you can focus on getting what you want in life and quit comparing your life with those around you.
Love and kisses,
My friends have started to make fun of me. Right now during COVID, I have started to try internet dating. I don’t mean that I am meeting men through online apps, I mean that I have met someone, and we are strictly dating via the computer. I have never met him in person, but I really think that he is the one. We talk daily, he sends me cute video and voice messages, and he just seems so sweet and sexy. My friends think I am ridiculous for getting so attached when I have never “really met him” yet. My thinking is that during this pandemic this is a much safer way to date. Am I just fooling myself?
Dearest Easy Lover,
I myself have been known to be quite easy when it comes to the lovin’. I understand your reasoning about being safe when dating during this pandemic. But, girl, have you ever seen Catfish? It is fine to enjoy your internet flirtation and to even feel butterflies when you think about them, but save the “he is the one” until you do meet in person and can really see if the chemistry is right. There is nothing wrong with some cyber play; but for “real” emotions, we need to meet in the “real” world. I am not saying that this relationship can not blossom into something more beautiful, but take it one cyber chat at a time and see how it goes. I give you kudos for thinking about your health and safety right now, because the best kind of love we can receive is self love. So, go give yourself some (maybe while thinking of your cyber lover), and don’t worry too much about what the future holds in regards to this relationship. Just enjoy the here and now.